I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
