i can't believe i had my finger in that
I'm passing your future prison.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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