Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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