eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
