I just pynch a tree in the face
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
