I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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