Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
