i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
