The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
