Sponge bath it is.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Randomize
