no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
