when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I just gargled with NyQuil
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
