Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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