I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize