Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
