You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
