How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
