Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I need a burrito and a hug.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
