I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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