i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
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