Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
