i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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