Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i wish my penis had a tongue
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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