Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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