Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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