I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
