We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
