Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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