I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
