dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
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