how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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