everyone is single if you try hard enough
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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