Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
We left the knife in your bed.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
