I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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