she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
