Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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