Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
