you guys were way drunker than both of me
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
