when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
