So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I wish there were birth control emojis
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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