i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
