So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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