A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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