a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
