Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
