he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
