Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
