I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
