I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
