he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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