Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
