Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
