I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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