i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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