I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
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My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
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I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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