I showed him my bush... on skype.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I just googled if crying burns calories
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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