He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize