I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Randomize
