Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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