I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
