apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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