New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
