Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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