Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Randomize
