Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
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Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
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I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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