Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
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