So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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