You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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