if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I need a burrito and a hug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
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