Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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