So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
