Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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